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Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. You've got all the world's porn in your pocket right now, on demand whenever you want it. But a small number of people still like going out there and doing stuff the old-fashioned way, with Adult caught in masturbating theater wife hands. That's why porn cinemas stay in business.

Way before widespread internet access, adult theaters were bigger than '70s bush, because they gave men a safe space to masturbate stray balcony cumshots notwithstanding. Now, like the drive-in, the wank theater is mostly gone. A few have managed to stick around, though, and we spoke to the former manager of one. This is what "Marvin" Adult caught in masturbating theater wife us:. Marvin was one of a number of managers at his pornatorium.

It was a courtesy title, mostly, because he didn't do that much managing. So what did he do? No mopping the floor, though. I think the boss left that part out so that he could call us 'managers' and not 'jizz-moppers. Thanks to the work of all the manager-janitors manitors? Under all those harsh chemicals, there was still this smell of lonely unwashed horny men. This lady had squirted over the entire couch, in front of everyone. It looked like someone had emptied the contents of a two-liter bottle of Sprite.

I flipped the cushion around, spritzed some Febreze on there, and continued closing up. One squirt and you're all set". Marvin's cinema had a whole dedicated section on the balcony for couples wanting to spice up their love lives. There could be up to people up there on a Saturday night. They were all very regular-looking people.

Picture a PTA meeting with genitals hanging out. And good ol' Marvin was their guide: I would ask them if they'd been here before, if they 'liked to party,' which I assumed was the correct term for 'swing. If they were more reserved, I would dress it up as a kinky date spot where anything can happen. An important thing is to Adult caught in masturbating theater wife that the situation Adult caught in masturbating theater wife under control.

Marvin's other job was keeping the peace in the floor area -- i. The patrons would come to the lobby and rat out on each other if anything bad was happening, Adult caught in masturbating theater wife I'd then go in there with a flashlight and flash them from across the room. Thankfully, I've never had to do that. Down there was a row of seats sectioned off for that specific reason.

What would happen next is super, super weird. They looked like a pack of drunk monkeys in mating season. It didn't look human.

They just surrounded the couple I assume they all jerked off onto the wife, or just watched the couple go at it. One of the Drunk Monkey Tribe later told Marvin that this cinema was "vanilla," and that at another he frequented, one husband would let all the men fuck his wife, then drink the contents of each condom after.

Did that really happen? Who wants to know? Much like Bushido, there is a porn cinema code. We also call that code "Bushido," but with a different emphasis. Where you stood advertised what you were looking for.

For example, if you stood in the corner by the bathroom, that meant you wanted to suck someone off. A different spot meant you were down for something else. That was a popular one, and the rotation was fast. There was one spot parallel to that, but it was kind of out of the way, and away from where most men would hang out. It was less popular. Another spot was by the women's bathroom. I think one of their 'games' was pretending they were a lady going in there, Adult caught in masturbating theater wife then some guy would look through a peephole as the other guy did You have to understand, though, that Adult caught in masturbating theater wife guys needed to mix things up in between semi-public masturbation sessions, seeing as how What kind of smut was this cinema showing for its customers to burn a whole day there?

Also, how much money did Marvin's boss make selling sports drinks to dehydrated marathon masturbators? My boss would choose pretty mainstream things. Nothing too crazy, as in no fetishes. They wouldn't care what movie would be playing. These aren't happy men," Marvin said. Then Adult caught in masturbating theater wife would shuffle in, buy a ticket, and go start their day in the dark.

They would come out for peanuts, chips, popcorn we would sell in the lobby, and hurry back in like little rodents. An entire 12 hours is a bit extreme, but it happened. On average, I estimate men spent four hours per visit. Hey look, another double entendre. Anyway, despite literally everything we've mentioned so far, Marvin doesn't remember this job as particularly pleasant.

A month into the job, there's no way I could be aroused by an XXX movie. It was moving wallpaper, basically. It's still like that. By the seventh or eighth month, I dreaded working there. Once the novelty wears off, you notice the atmosphere is thick with loneliness, yearning, and dissatisfaction.

I still associate all porn with those feelings, which is probably why I don't like it anymore. Is it possible to sue a business for theft of soul? By being exposed to so much porn, Marvin eventually started seeing the man behind the curtain. Adult caught in masturbating theater wife once he threw that pervert out of the theater, he also noticed that porn is kind of depressing behind the scenes.

The illusion is lost on me. That girl in the Adult caught in masturbating theater wife is Adult caught in masturbating theater wife bills. Most of the time, her vagina isn't wet. So much porn with dry vaginas! And no one cares. World Wrestling Entertainment Except with even less clothing. Imagine how much time that frees up for Marvin!

He could cure cancer. Adult caught in masturbating theater wife start playing Minecraft. Cezary Jan Strusiewicz is a Cracked columnist, interviewer, and editor.

Contact him at c. Have a story to share with Cracked? Follow us on Facebookand we'll follow you everywhere. Don't make me do this again.

Don't have an account? Please enter a Username. I agree to the Terms of Service. Add me to the weekly newsletter. Add me to the daily newsletter. Link Existing Cracked Account. Use My Facebook Avatar. Add me to the weekly Newsletter. This is what "Marvin" told us: Recommended For Your Pleasure. To turn on reply notifications, click here.

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☰ Comments

#1 HILLARY:
I've always thought of horror as a particularly misogynistic genre of film, I'm impressed that you found some feminism in there.

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he was my best friend but ya.

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I want to sniff her hair.

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Purely Artistic, i Love it, Tanks Laci

#7 KIMBERLY:
What about the girls that do the same type of shit.

#8 IRENE:
If men were objectified by women, a man would have made a similar video.В

#9 DEBRA:
He was asking for it, look what he was wearing!

#10 NOEMI:
You did it!

#11 ANGIE:
Why didn’t you go to the police?

#12 PAMELA:
umm. thanks for the advice?